Conversations Kill (Me... From Laughing So Hard)

Me: You're up, you got your breakfast, you're almost done, and it's not even 7:00, yet. Who are you, and what have you done with my son?

Ben (in a spooky voice): It's a mystery that will remain mysterious forever...

Olette: Hey Ben! When we get home today, we should play some feetball!

Ben: That's dumb. And it's not even funny.

Olette: YES it is! It's like football, but you use both of your feet!!

Ben: Like I said. Dumb and not funny.

Me: Oh please, Ben. Most of your jokes involve the words "balls" or "poop." It's not like you're the authority on comedic genius.

Olette: Ok, I have a better one for you. Knock, Knock.

Ben (unenthused): Who's there?

Olette: Zombie Poop!

Ben (trying to sound as unenthused as before): Zombie Poop, who?

Olette: Fart!

Ben: *snickers*

*Loud Thud* *Sound of Olette crying as she comes out to the living room*

Olette: Moooommmmmyyyy.....
Me: What happened?

Olette: I walked into... *giggles, tries to go back to crying* I walked into the... *cracks up* never mind...

Ben: Cran-Apple juice?

Me: Yes, it's short for Cranberry Apple.

Ben: They should just call it "crapple." That's even shorter. *giggles* Crapple....

Olette (singing loudly in the bathtub): What's inside a phone? Batteries! What's inside a phone? Battieries! Batteries are inside a phone! Bat-ter-ries are in-side a phone! Oh yeah!

Ben (talking about the bonfire he went to at a friend's house): ...and we needed sticks to roast marshmallows, so we climbed a tree. And I almost fell, and I was just hanging there, so they put a wagon under me and I just landed in that.

Olette: That sounds dangerous.

Ben: Yeah, but it's really ok. See, tree-climbing is something kids used to do for fun. You know, way back before they invented video games and dvd players and stuff. Right, mom?!

*Ben and I are working on his science project-- putting together a paper skeleton*

Me: Ok, good. Now he needs a spine... good, now a pelvis.

Ben: *giggles*

Olette (who has been learning about rhyming words in school): A pelvis! Pelvis... Elvis! Hahaha!

Ben: What?! A pelvis Elvis?!

Together: Pelvis... Elvis... Elvis... Pelvis...

Me: Ok, enough.

Ben: Isn't Elvis a real person?

Me: Yes. He was the king of rock and roll. And he was famous for shaking his pelvis.

Ben: (Looks at me with a mixture of shock, horror, and disbelief, all rolled into one)

Me: What?

Ben: (Gets a little shifty-eyed) Nothing...

Me: (Lightbulb moment!) Oh, no! Ben, no! Pelvis! Not penis!

Ben (With a look of ultimate relief): Oooohhhhh.....